Tsaoism Wiki
Tsaoism Tsaoism is a practical, philosophy-based religion. A follower of Tsaoism is referred to as a Kennynite. Tsaoism was founded by the boys of 408 Carollton Hall. This page currently requires additional content. Beliefs The Beliefs of Tsaoism offer a standpoint from which one can approach living life. Though there may be different interpretations of these beliefs based on individual experiences, the basic ideas are generally accepted as a logical point to build a strong foundation. The ultimate goal of Tsaoism is Truth and Happiness. 'Life' Tsaoism starts with the premise that life sucks. Once this fact has been accepted, the Kennynite can start to rebuild life by observaing and following the religious practices of Tsaoism. Kennynites believe that all aspects of life is difficult, unfair, and require hard work in order to succeed. Any message in the media that promotes the opposite thought is brainwashing and contribues to bouts of depression, otherwise referred to as Teenage Angst, which is a subset of the phenomenon known as High School Drama. Consumption of such messages, especially from a young age, causes delusions. It causes people to expect happiness to be handed to them, and, when it is not, they fall victim to Teenage Angst. The epitome of the rejection of such messages is the acceptance of the phrase, "When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story." This was said by the Revered Neil Patrick Harris in his portrayal of playboy Barney Stinson in the T.V. series How I Met Your Mother. 'Teenage Angst and High School Drama' Growing up brainwashed by the media creates a lot of cognitive dissonance once one reaches the age of around 14. At that age, the realization that one's life is not as expected, as portrayed by the media, causes one to fall into depression, according to the DSM-IV definition of Major Depression. The combination of cognitive dissonance, depression, inexperience and immaturity creates a phenomenon known as Teenage Angst. There is nothing good about Teenage Angst, and no one wants to be around it. When multiple people suffer from Teenage Angst at the same time, their realities starts to conflict with another's. To try to create the life to which the brainwashed teenagers believe they are entitled, they will use many techniques to try to belttle their peers and raise their statuses. This is referred to as High School Drama. A group of people suffering from Teenage Angst will inevitably create High School Drama. While Teenage Angst starts around age 14 (girls tend to get it earlier than boys), the age at which one grows out of it differs for every individual, ie. it is possible for one to have Teenage Angst way after their teenage years. An early practioner of Tsaoism may grow out of it sooner, while others may never grow out of it. Women, in general, are more likely to suffer from it to an older age than men. Teenage Angst is recurring and is regarded as the demon of Tsaoism. A Kennynite who is out of practice will fall back into episodes of Teenage Angst. By going through the 7 Steps to Becoming a Kennynite again, the Kennynite will be able to regain compsure and continue leading a Happy life. 'Happiness and Truth' Happiness is regarded as the ultimate goal of Tsaoism, with Truth coming in a close second. Truth will always lead to Happiness in the end. However, there may not always be a Truth that is unambiguous. In those situations, logic must be used, and the user has to accept what seems most logical. Truth in Tsaoism is synonymous to the word reality. Truth is what is really happening based on personal experience and logic, rather than others' accounts of their experiences or portrayals of their Truth. Happiness is defined in Tsaoism as living one's life to one's own standards. Total freedom from societal poisons and acceptance of Truth are the keys to Happiness. Confidence is regarded as the ultimate tool with which to reach happiness. 90% of the time, being confident works 100% of the time. When one grows out of Teenage Angst, one starts to develop a higher sense of self-worth. Proper thinking and reasoning will continue to boost one's confidence, leading to a high chance of finding Happiness. A Kennynite regards most of Feminism to be bullshit and, instead, aims to treat everyone equally, albeit some more equally than others. 'God' Kennynites belief the existence of any deity to be irrelevant. Everyone should aim to be the best they can be, whether or not there exists a higher power. The following argurments illustrate this belief. Given: - Following Tsaoism will allow me to be Happy. - Tsaoism requires me to be a good person. 1. Given: There is a God. - If I am a good person, and I follow Tsaoism, then God will be good to me, and I will be Happy. - If I am a bad person, then I am not following Tsaoism, then God will not be good to me, and I will not be Happy. 2. Given: There is no God. - If I am a good person, and I follow Tsaoism, I will be Happy. - If I am a bad person, then I am not follow Tsaoism, I will not be Happy. Therefore, it stands to reason that the existence of God is irrelvant for the enjoyment of Hppiness, as the only requirement to be Happy when observing Tsaoism is to be a good person. Since belief in a deity is irrelevant, a Kennynite may choose to believe in any deity that promotes being a good person. Practices A Kennynite participates in certain practices that contributes to happiness. 'Emotions' A Kennynite embraces all emotions, whether positive or negative, and channels it in creative ways. In particular, a Kennynite will seek vengance when wronged because it's fun. 'Desires' A Kennynite gives into all desires. They use these desires as motivation to improve themselves and their statuses. Never deny a desire, except for anoher one that could lead to greater self-improvement. The Amusing Stephen Colbert once preached, "...saying “yes” begins things. Saying “yes” is how things grow. Saying “yes” leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say “yes'.” 'Rest' There is time for work, and there are all other times. A Kennynite sleeps as much as can be afforded. Alternatively, when sleep is not desired, Kennynites engage in an activity called Nothing, where the goal is to produce as little as possible for the longest possible time period. After work is done, a lot of Nothing is often done. 'Authority' The Kennynite respectfully questions all authority, except for the really dumb ones, which are crudely monked. High levels of confidene allows the Kennynite to challenge authority and make intelligent changes to dumb principles. Kennynites understand that there exists a thing called The Line in every situation. The best place to be in any situation is on The Line, on the verge of crossing it. 'Sex' Have as much sex as possible with as many people as possible. 'Role Models' Kennynites are constantly on the lookout for role models who embody the traits of a successful Kennynite. They combine all the attributes of their role models and strive to aim to embody those attributes themselves, with the understanding that they should never try to become someone else. 'Consumption' Kennynites love to eat and love to share the joy of eating with others. Food is an area where the Kennynite does not practice frugality. 'Exercise' Regular exercise keeps a Kennynite healthy, happy, and allows for further consumption. A Kennynite does not take anti-depressants to overcome Teenage Angst. Instead, the Kennynite will resort to exercise. 'Dance' The official dance of Tsaoism is called the Hip Thrust. The Hip Thrust is auniversal dance; it works with any music. 'Property' Kennynites believing in respecting the privacy and property of others. They keeps their hands to themselves and their things only, unless when given permission otherwise. 'Mass and Worship' There is no required Mass or worship. However, individuals are encouraged to organize local Masses, which are to be open to Kennynites and non-Kennynites alike. Mass starts after dinner. A night of Mass includes the following: *A debate about the night's choice of liquor. *An exchange of money or favors to acquire said liquor. *The consumption of said liquor in a private residence. *The rest of the night's activities are up to the participants, but a Hip Thrust must be performed at some time. *Returning home with every participant. No one gets left behind, Alex. 7 Steps to Becoming a Kennynite To become a Kennynite, one must participate in a weeklong process, accompplishing new tasks every day. These tasks can be done in any order. 1. Right after exercise, drink a beer. A good beer. Not the shitty kind with which you would drink to rehydrate. Do not eat, do not drink water, do not pass Go, unless if you are promised $200. You are only allowed to wash your hands first if desired. Simultaneous showering is acceptable. 2. During Mass, buy a round of drinks for everyone. Do not complain about it. Enjoy your drink with everyone else. Perform three Hip Thrusts. 3. Attempt the Perfect Week. The Perfect Week is defined as "having sex with seven women in seven days without a single rejection." Adjust "having sex with" accordingly- aim for something that seems achievable. Remember, failure is okay. An honest attempt is all that is required. However, after failure, be prepared to endure endless mockery. Section to be completed soon. Category:Browse